Funeral Politics

It's been a weary two weeks. The shocking news of a friend's death left me out of sorts. I spent the week looking forward to the weekend for some moments of peace and time to deal with the sad news. It seemed I'd forgotten where I'd be for most of the weekend: at a funeral! Yes, three weeks ago that was the shocking news that hit, my uncle died suddenly at the age of 67.

So Friday evening was spent planning for our trip at dawn to the Eastern Region. Now, you only need to spend a few months in Ghana to realise that funerals are the greatest social event. This is where businessmen network, politicians work up their political capital and... single men and women look out for a future partner! Of course, with so much focus on the event, there are rules that go with it too.

1. We sent Em to her (paternal) grandparents for the weekend as children and pregnant women are not meant to go to funerals (the dead person's spirit can enter the child's or foetus' soul).

2. I searched through my funeral clothes for something black - since he was under 70 years old, black is the colour to wear, unless the family selects other colours, e.g. black and red, or brown. If he were above 70, black and white is accepted and if over 80, white is worn to celebrate the long life lived.

This picture refuses to turn upright, sorry!

3. I then made sure I didn't select a sparkly or one of the shinier outfits as that would not be appropriate considering my close relationship to the deceased (my dad's brother). In addition, I picked out a pair of dark pearl earrings, again, solemn enough for the event. Although, once we got out into the sun, my mum complained that they were too bright, but once I had my dad's approval, I kept them on.

4. During the week we also had to make sure my new little family was presented, so Virgo came along, and from my mother's family, my uncle and cousin, to ensure we fully represented the other side of my dad's family.

There are so many other rules that make up the funeral politics of Ghana, how to shake hands, what to eat and drink and who gets buried on which side of the cemetry, but I'll save that for another day. Interestingly, we somehow managed to get into some real politics as my second cousin, an MP in the area, was holding his mother's funeral the same day.

So the sad day ended on a pleasant note after Virgo met his political chums, we all said goodbye to relatives and enjoyed the beautiful green scenery on our way home. Well, that was until we hit Winneba junction. More on that later...

Team work and good old gossip.

This weekend I have the most interesting task so far. So interesting, that I am skipping a funeral I really should go to (biggest Ghanaian faux pas ever, but Virgo will represent me) and missing most of a birthday barbecue, but will probably make it back there for leftovers at least.

A friend who I'm doing some independent legal work for has asked me to run a team building day for his company on Saturday. Learning of my past as a Starbucks employee probably made him think I'm much more of a chirpy cheerleader than I actually am. But not being one to say no to a challenge, I have agreed and just spent the last two hours researching team building exercises. After discarding the ones that seemed too fluffy and cheesily American for a bunch of Ghanaian construction workers, I think I have a handful I can work with. Now, all I have to do is find all the tools and materials I'll need to make it happen...Where's a Woolworths (the UK, not SA version of it) or a Panduro Hobby when you need one?

Meanwhile, a Swedish blogger writes about her heavily pregnant friend who realised that her husband of about 8 months has been cheating with a woman from his office, a woman with a live-in boyfriend. Her revenge? Finding the mistress' Facebook page and sending a message to ALL her friends and her boyfriend with details of the sordid affair and photos to prove it. (She also dumped her husband). As much as I'm impressed by her strength and actions (her baby is due in a week), I can't help but feel her husband is getting away easily with his dignity intact, while the mistress will be shamed forever. After all, the most random people can be our Facebook friends.

Even more interesting, how would such a thing be dealt with in Ghana? The sentiments towards affairs seem...slightly more relaxed, I get the feeling some people would send a message back to the wife going "Ah, but you, why?", leaving her seeming as the one who has overreacted.

But most of all I wish I knew who these people were so I could get hold of that Facebook message and see exactly what she wrote and what the following reactions were. But that's just the scandalous gossip in me talking...

The rest of the weekend

Didn't forget to tell all about the rest of the weekend, just haven't had time yet.

Saturday was meant to be spent in Tema, going to the funeral of our local shopkeeper's husband (the links are never to distant for one to be invited to a funeral), but an offer to go to the Ada Asafotufiami festival, with a promise of being back in Accra by two changed those plans.

So off we were to Ada, me tired and hungry but excited to see what was waiting. Once we arrived, after a one and a half hour journey, I was amazed to see the amount of people that turned up. I have never heard of the festival before but judging from the groups of people from all corners of the world that were there, it must be bigger than I thought.

Several chiefs and political party leaders were present and to the background sound of gunshots and marching bands we heard them speak. The origins of the Ada festival are to encourage and sustain peace in an area that previously experienced many disputes. This message was shared by the chiefs and the party leaders.

After being invited to dinner at a beautiful resort in Ada, we finally left to head back to Tema and Accra, reaching Tema around...8p.m. Needless to say, I missed the funeral.

Instead we headed to Labone, rested for about seven minutes before it was time to head out again with SQB to the National Theatre for the comedy evening: Night of 1006 Laughs. AS promised, there were lots of laughs, and lots of people, in fact more people than seats, but selfish me, I stopped caring after I got my seat!

Sunday started with a well deserved sleep-in before heading to Teshie-Nungua to visit M2B who is now 16 days away from delivering her baby! Several games of later I headed to Akinyi's were I got the longed for chapati and finally got to see the Surprise baby (will have to elaborate on that later).

Unfortunately it seems a weekend full of fun is more tiring than a weekend full of work, so now I am struggling to keep my eyes open. I'm hoping for the early night I should have had yesterday, but yesterday was AGH's send off back to Sweden at the beautiful, breezy poolside of the Holiday Inn.

(Picture stolen from InterContinental hotels)

If you haven't been, go there, it's the best sea breeze you can get in Accra sans mosquitoes.

Life

After another hectic day of car troubles (don't get me started) and work, I spent the evening at a funeral service for my dear friend's grandfather. The service was nice, the choir sang beautifully, but I felt out of place, as is often the case at Ghanaian funerals. Since funerals are social occasions like any other, you end up going to many funerals of deceased persons you don't really know. Well, I am here for my friend I thought, that counts for something.

Just then, her mother turned round and I saw her face. The pain and grief of a daughter who has lost her father was so evident on her face it startled me. Suddenly the sorrow of a life coming to an end became so real to me.

Often, when friends or relatives have babies we all gush, I can't believe the x weeks/months ago he/she wasn't alive! It is with disbelief that we marvel over the miracle of life. In those moments, when admiring a beautiful baby, we're amazed and grateful at the mystery of how we come to be human beings, the joy overshadows any wish of delving into what lies behind this mystery.

Tonight, in my friend's mother's face, I saw the other side of the mystery of life. Life can be snatched from us or our loved ones at any moment, often when we least expect it, leaving us in mourning and shock over our loved one who has left us. In those moments the question we ask the most is WHY? As we enter the world we gratefully accept life, without asking any questions, but as we leave we demand answers.

Perhaps it's time to accept that just as we receive new life into the world, we also need to accept that life will be taken away at any time. Let's make our loved ones aware of how much we care for them so that when that moment comes, we'll know that just as they arrived into this world in a welcoming embrace, they'll leave out of the wallows of warmth and affection.